


lean on me

by myn_x



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (what), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 11:32:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10333733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myn_x/pseuds/myn_x
Summary: Liberosis: The desire to care less about things.//Noya went pro after college, but it's weighing on him. His team is alright, but they're not connected, and his time would be much better spent if it was with Asahi.





	

**Author's Note:**

> From [this post](http://ohmykokuroo.tumblr.com/post/158400156151/23-emotions-people-feel-but-cant-explain)
> 
> This is my first time writing asanoya, so bear with me (*´∀`*)
> 
> big thank you to my friendo [abby](http://ailarii.tumblr.com) for reading this over <3
> 
>  
> 
> [read on tumblr](http://ohmykokuroo.tumblr.com/post/158500525846/liberosis-asanoya-had-to-because-libero-lmao)

Yuu stares at his bruises after practice -- they’re like tattoos that shift in color and shape, yellows and greens and purples and blues he can never quite get rid of. Every time one fades, another takes its place, never two exactly alike.

He looks at his hands, too. They’re a stinging red from hitting the floor so many times, a few small cuts scoring his knuckles. He wonders if this is worth it, especially when he’d rather use his fingers to muss Asahi’s hair, to feel the gentle scuff on his chin and trace the soft curves of his face, to map out the planes of his chest and stomach, to tease him even lower.

His stamina is inexhaustible, but his career has become mentally draining. He balls his ugly hands into fists, not bothering with a shower before he leaves the locker room. Most of his teammates have already trickled out for the night; he misses the camaraderie of his high school days, and he never imagined it’d feel this cold to be a part of a team.

There’s no Ryuu or Suga-san or even Asahi-san, not on this court. Just last names and the business of volleyball, which he wouldn’t mind, _doesn’t_ mind, save for the frustration he feels at this vague sense of displacement.

Because he’s not as close to this team, he has to make an extra effort to have their backs and cover their mistakes, and he pushes his body more and more every time, but it’s like trying to fix a problem that doesn’t have a solution. Or it does have a solution, but it’s written in a language he can’t understand.  

They’re a team, and they’re good, but the cogs just don’t fit like they used to.

More importantly, any time he spends away from Asahi is time he wishes he could take back.

Eschewing the train that would take him a pebble’s kick away from their apartment, he walks with an impatience in his step. Partly to cool down from practice, partly something else; there’s a certain satisfaction in knowing each step he takes brings him closer to Asahi.  

They don’t see each other a whole lot. Asahi has the family flower shop to run, and it keeps him busy, too. Yuu isn’t insecure enough that the long-distance aspects of their not-long-distance relationship make him worry; he misses Asahi, and he knows Asahi misses him just as much.

Still, his impulse is to quit. But the only reason they’re able to afford the housing and the car and pay bills and everything else is because of Yuu; if he leaves the team now, he’d be breaking his contract and cutting off his share of the income. He doesn’t want to disrupt his and Asahi’s life. To ruin things financially. Everything is (objectively) fine as it is, yet he can’t help but wish volleyball electrified him like it used to.

Yuu doesn’t want to think about any of that. He just wants to feel less like everything is pointless, to pretend that everything isn’t so complicated.

Asahi isn’t complicated.

Yuu thinks of the rumbling voice that always greets him as soon as he walks in the door after every practice and game, knowing that he was being waited for, a half-empty bed too cold for sleep. Of large, calloused hands and the friction they create against his skin, and teeth on his neck and chest and thighs, right alongside the bruises. Words of praise and support whispered behind the shell of his ear as he stands in the kitchen with a mug of hot chocolate, warm arms thrown around his chest and the feel of Asahi behind him.   

And he wants these things every day.

As soon as Yuu gets home, he breaks. He’s crying but Asahi is there, so blessedly there right in front of him, and then he’s enfolding him in one of those hugs that he never gets tired of, slightly too tight but just tight enough, his fingers burrowing in his still sweat-damp hair as he murmurs his name over and over again.

“Asahi, I stink!” Yuu blubbers. He makes no effort to pull away -- he just lets himself be held because it’s the only thing that feels _right_.

Asahi clucks his tongue affectionately and sweeps Yuu up into his arms, carrying him to their bathroom, where he sits Yuu on the stool and starts peeling off the clothes he changed into after practice. His jaw clenches when he takes in today’s batch of bruises.

“Nishinoya…” he starts. “Noya, do they hurt that badly?”

“No, I -- it’s not the, it’s not the bruises,” Yuu mumbles. He clutches Asahi by his shirt and pulls him forward; Asahi spills forward from his crouch onto his knees in front of Yuu, who hiccups as fresh tears make their way down his cheeks.

Asahi presses his forehead to Yuu’s, the pad of his thumb brushing one cheek, and Yuu closes his eyes at the gentleness. “What is it?”

Yuu doesn’t know how to put the words together, much less say them, and he’s afraid that by giving a name to how he’s feeling, he’s admitting defeat. Instead, he says, “I miss you.”

“I’m right here, Noya.” Asahi nudges Yuu’s chin up and skims his hand over his forehead to brush the shock of blond out of his eyes, tucking the darker strands behind his ear.     

Yuu’s hair is longer now and he doesn’t bother spiking it up like he used to (because, “A few extra inches don’t mean anything, and I like being short if it means I’m shorter than you, Asahi!” It was silly but also ridiculously cute, and the memory brings a small smile to Asahi’s lips). He usually pulls it back into a ponytail, but it isn’t quite long enough to be anything other than a tuft of hair at the back of his head.

Asahi pulls at the band until it comes loose, then kisses Yuu on the nose. “Are you okay to bathe?”

Yuu isn’t crying anymore and he nods. Once Asahi leaves, Yuu turns on the water, letting it scald his skin and clear his head.

 

*

 

Yuu puts on one of Asahi’s shirts and a pair of his own boxers, bounding into the bed next to his boyfriend before flopping onto his back. His hand finds Asahi’s and tangles with it, and Asahi pulls him on his side so that they’re facing each other.

Asahi is glorious in his dark sweats and soft heather-blue shirt (that he must have changed into because he knows Yuu gets super cuddly when he’s wearing it, like it’s laced with catnip). “So how was practice?” He doesn’t hint at the crying, but there’s a determination in his eyes that makes Yuu wary.

“Brutal, as usual, but I came up with this new dive save and I can’t think of what to name it and I wanted to ask you what you think I should call...” Yuu stops once he sees the way Asahi’s looking at him, all soft eyes and lazy smile “...it. What?”

“Tell me what’s really on your mind. Please?” Asahi punctuates his words with a squeeze of Yuu’s hand. A silent plea for Yuu to stop pretending and let himself lean on Asahi, and figure things out together.

Yuu doesn’t like feeling unsure, so he rushes forward. “I’m having second thoughts...about being on the team. It’s frustrating because it’s been six months and we still don’t _feel_ right, and we joke around and stuff but it’s nothing like how it used to be. With you. And the rest of Karasuno. Even the college team I was on didn’t feel this...impersonal.”

Asahi hums, ghosting his fingertips up and down Yuu’s arm, making him shiver.

“Of course it’s different...You’re a pro among mere mortals, and you’re dating one who slaves away in a flower shop. Not --” Asahi pokes him in the side, and he yelps -- “that I am complaining.”

“Still. Wanna trade?”

“You know I don’t play anymore, _and_ you’d kill the flowers.”

That earns Asahi a light swat on the hip, and he laughs in response. Yuu’s brows are furrowed, and he reaches a hand to smooth it out. He wants to kiss the pout away too, but he doesn’t.

“I’ve watched you work so, so hard for this, Yuu, and I’d hate to see you throw it away, especially this early. There are other new people on the team, and it takes time to build the kind of bonds and trust you’re looking for.”

“I wish you were on the team. Then I wouldn’t feel as alone.”

“You’re never alone on the court, Yuu.”

“But I miss _you_!”

Asahi’s eyes widen with understanding, then he blinks a few times as he thinks of how to respond. He mulls it over, a blush tinting his cheeks. After all this time, Yuu still manages to surprise blushes out of him like it’s nothing. “Even if you had to travel halfway across the world to play, I’d still be here. I’d follow you anywhere. And even if I didn’t, I’d still be waiting here for you to come back.”

Yuu feels tears pooling in his eyes again; he’s too choked up to respond.

“So you don’t have to worry.” Asahi pulls him to his chest, his home, and he speaks his words into Yuu’s damp, wavy hair. I’m not going anywhere -- I mean, unless you asked me to -- and I’m positive you aren’t either.”

“I’d only ever ask you to go to the store,” Yuu grumbles. “For my popsicles.”

Asahi laughs and squeezes tighter, and Yuu buries his smile in his heaving chest.

“Things don’t keep you down for very long, and it’s something I envy you for, but,” Asahi’s voice is soft and quiet, and Yuu wouldn’t mind wrapping himself up in it so tightly he can’t hear anything else. “But. If you do want to leave the team, that’s also okay. It’s your decision.”

“What? But you just said --”

“I know, I know. I just want you to know that if it’s too much, then it’s perfectly fine to take a step back. I did it, and I miss volleyball, but I also don’t regret choosing to stop. I don’t want you to have any regrets, either, especially when we’re old and grey.”

“Asahi!” Yuu can practically feel the burn of Asahi’s blush. He appreciates Asahi’s words, his comfort, his support, everything. Maybe he’s blushing too.

Asahi talks over him, as if he wants to get the words out before he can think about them too hard. “Yeah it might be a little harder for us money-wise if you quit, and you’d have to wait out the contract to avoid being penalized, but we do have savings that we can live on until you figure out what you want to do, and then we can go from there.”

Asahi sounds so rational that Yuu doesn’t even know what he was fretting about to begin with. He’s crying again, but this time it’s from relief. From so many years of supporting others, sometimes he forgets Asahi is his anchor, even when no one else seems to be on his side. And he always will be.

Yuu doesn’t have to think about anything else but that, and he knows he’ll be perfectly fine, right here in these arms.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://ohmykokuroo.tumblr.com) || [other tumblr](http://zeppellii.tumblr.com) || [twitter](https://twitter.com/lovedeluxxxe)


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